20 September 2013

Dear Brain,

Please perk up. Seriously you are ruining my mood, and I'm not the only one noticing. Unfortunately each person that has noticed it has blamed it on something different- ie. school stress, lack of sleep, pms (yeah thanks Derek love you too). The truth is, I'm just in a funk. I feel like, while it is sporatic and not on a set schedule, I am getting enough sleep. This semester honestly feels like a breeze compared to last year in general, even though I honestly don't think I have exaclty ever struggled with school other than pure laziness or lack of organization. I'm not pmsing- end of story.

Then why do I feel like this? It's hard to explain what exactly this is, but I know I've felt it before. It's kind of a bit of melancholy. I'm usually a pretty chipper and hyper girl, reguilarly accussed of having ADHD. Lately though, everything seems to be coming to an end. I don't know where I got this thought from but this year I realized I only have a year and one semester left at school. Then I'll have to go into the real world, find a real job, have real life resposinilities and bills. I'm not that big of a fan of that. Luckily though, end of school means I'll be all wifed up and actually get to see Derek every single day for the rest of my life (minus my yearly girls weekends that I refuse to not have). With that means moving away from everybody I love. There are times I really struggle with being a mere four hours away from family and friends back home, but can usually fight that off a night out with my friends at school. Worst case scenario I find a weekend off and drive my happy butt north. That won't happen very often living in North Carolina. From the two times I have had to buy plane tickets this year, I know that twice a year will very likely be tapping me out on my trip money, and that's pushing it.

On top of that, I have been feeling very much on the end of my string. I feel like I could snap at any time on anyone. I just get so irritated lately, and I hate it! Like why? My roommate might have actually been legitamitely concerned that something was wrong when she asked if everything was ok, so why did I have to use some serious self-control to not lash out at her? While it is annoying and a hassle, why do I just want to kick residents that forget their IDs out of the building and tell them to not bother coming back until I'm gone? I even get irritated at people who I have no contact with- yeah that girl that wore some super short shorts today with some extremely bright colored leggings and construction boots (not sure what they are really called, but that's the only kind of people I know who wear that kind of boots), there is just something about the way your clothes hit my eyes that just want me to tell you to go home and change because she was obviously drunk when she got ready this morning. SIDENOTE: I usually actually applause people who wear things that (in my opinion) are absolutely crazy for the simple fact that I could no way pull it off.

Honestly, the last time I felt like this I fell into a semester long fit of depression. That's another post for another day, and might not ever show up until I get real open with you guys or enough people personally request it. I don't want to go back to that person. However in May I was also diagnosed with anxiety and was prescribed Zoloft, which I have ran out of. The Zoloft was actually for my anxiety, my depression, and my eating disorder (once again another post for another time). Maybe that's why I've been so off. I shoudl probably call about getting my prescription re-filled. Hopefully that will help.

In the meantime I would really appreciate some good thoughts ladies. I just hope this ends soon so I can go back to not depressing everyone everytime I post.

Xo
-M

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Go ahead- make my day! I'll letcha :)